It all happens in a moment. You are feeling generally pretty upbeat. Sure, it has been a challenge, lately. But you are happy, right? You have a deep sense of joy at doing your right work. And a delicious feeling of freedom.
Then, I don't know…the check is late, you get a bad review, no one says good things about your blog, your client work is ok, but honestly not really inspired — you worked a little too hard at it, maybe payed too much attention to what you were doing instead of just being present. The cat coughs up a hairball, which you discover in the dark, with your bare feet.
Oh, and then there are those things you said you would do. Not critical things, but agreements, just the same. And to be honest, you've failed to meet these agreements before, with the same folks. You really can't do it again. And there's that payment you can't remember making that bottoms out the bank account. Again. And then, that client you were excited to be working with…who you really connected with, decides now is just not the right time. And even though it's nothing personal, just a timing thing, and you deeply support your client's choice, still you find your (ego) self bleeding from a thousand tender cuts. And just for a moment you think "I give up. it's too hard. I can't do it."
And here's the hardest thing: to just be with that feeling. Not to name it. Not to explain it, try to change it, try to understand it. Not to figure it out. Not to use it to spark a new goal or self improvement campaign. Not to deny it. Not to drown it in Ben & Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk ice cream. Not to play the "I shoulda" game…not to tell any story at all about it.
Just hang out with it. Just be with it. Maybe bring a little compassion to it. A loving witness. "Hello, there you are. Here I am."
Like a jostled compass that swings wildly before pointing again (always) to true north, allow the needle to settle.
